Worthless

Worthless, what is in a name?
All my life i've been told i'm nothing,
my mother, my beloved mother, why do you look at me like i'm a criminal?
Father, father dearest, do you not look at me like a normal person?
If I am hurt, do i not cry?
Do I not bleed?
Everyday i look up to the sky wondering why i'm still here...
I feel used.
I feel hurt.
My lungs, they fill with pain, no one can imagine.
Not just my heart, but my body feels like its shutting down every time i wake up for the next day!
I am ill often.
I can not help that.
You know, i have not always been this way.
Looking up at the sky hoping that this nightmare would end.
Hoping to wake up to the girl of my life.
Waking up to a better ending.
I look at my reflection in the mirror.
My eyes, they look tortured.
They carry the light to my soul,
but its growing dimmer and dimmer...
When will it come?
that i will take my last breath of this world and enter the next?
Will i enter the life of the good?
or will I end up in the life of hell and agony?
I wonder these often as i feel my life, a personal hell.
They say that you can gain enterance into the kingdom of heaven if you are tortured here on earth...
I hope thats true,that is the only thing that is keeping me here.
My friends.....
my family...
my friends...
my family....
which one do you think keeps me alive and sane?
my friends...
my family....
my friends....
i take a last breath,
Feeling a sharp pain in my left side of my torso.
as if a knife were cutting into the meat of my ribcage,
i shut my eyes...
i remember you...and i wonder if i was really worthless...